How Could I
by Sweetgrass
Summary: Continuation of If she knew. Learn what Gourry's been up to since he's left Lina.


Disclaimer: I own neither the Slayers or the song How Could I. This story is written purely for entertainment purposes.  
  
How Could I  
  
"Okay, class. That's all for today," Gourry called out. The young boys groaned as they reluctantly put away their practice gear. "Tomorrow, we'll began learning blocking. So be here at 9 o'clock sharp."  
  
The boys paused and said, "Hai, sensei."  
  
Gourry smiled slightly as he watched the boys gather up their belongings. He would have never thought he'd enjoy teaching so much or that he'd be so good at it. After the boys left Gourry walked over to the well. He took off his shirt. He wanted to clean up a little before his meeting with Rei. She was a stickler for cleanliness just like Lina.   
  
"Oh Lina," he whispered as he accidentally poured the icy well water over his head. He shivered. Well that's one way to get clean, he thought ruefully. He dried off with his new exercise shirt briefly wondering what happened to his old one. He missed it. It was his favorite shirt. He then pulled on a clean shirt. I guess I can't put it off any longer. It's time to see Rei, he thought.  
  
He entered the dojo. As he crossed the training hall his footsteps echoed behind him. "Lina, you came back," he said spinning around, eagerly looking for her. He saw nothing. He sighed.   
  
"It was just my imagination," he told himself as he continued to Rei's room. He knocked on the door. He waited a few moments and then decided to enter. He peered into the dimly lit room. Hmm, empty. That's funny I could have sworn Mei-Ling told me Rei would meet me in her room. I must have misunderstood. He turned to leave when a voice called out.  
  
"Gourry, is that you?"  
  
"Rei," he said searching the gloomy room for her.   
  
"Where are you?"  
  
"I'm over here, Gourry?" Rei said.  
  
He moved closer to the bed. He came to a halt. Rei was lying in bed. At that moment he knew something was wrong. For as long as he remembered Rei never spent the day in bed. She had always arouse with the sun. He continued to the bed. When he reached the bed the sight of Rei stunned him. Her body builder muscles had withered away leaving her looking frail. Her golden sun-kissed skin was now leached of color. She was almost translucent, a ghost of her former self. She reached out to him. Her arms, once able to wield the heaviest of swords, now trembled barely able to handle their own weight. Gourry swallowed hard and grasped Rei's hand.  
  
Rei smiled up at him. L~sama, it was good to have him home.  
  
"Sit," she said patting the bed as she carefully sat up. Gourry sat down hesitantly."Sorry, I wasn't here when you arrived,"  
  
"That's okay, Rei. I kept myself busy. Mei-Ling's granddaughter Shara let me take over her classes."  
  
"So she told me. She also told me what a great teacher you turned out to be. She says all the kids love you and hate to see the lessons end." Rei said.  
  
Gourry blushed. "So what kind of adventure did you and your faithful servant, Mei-Ling go on this time?"  
  
"No adventure this time. I went to see Konchi, the world renowned healer." She trailed off.  
  
"Why did you go see him?" Gourry asked.  
  
"Gourry," she paused. She wanted to finish the sentence about as much as Gourry wanted to hear it; not at all. "I'm dying," she finished bluntly.  
  
Gourry stared at her. He wanted to scream and shout, no you're not dying. However, he was unable to deny the evidence before him.   
  
As if she knew what he was thinking again she said. "I'm dying," forcing him to accept the truth. "Konchi was my last hope but there's nothing he can do for me." Rei broke down unable to go on.  
  
Gourry not knowing what else to do held Rei and cried with her. It was some time before they both regained control. When Rei pulled away from Gourry, he lovingly wiped away her tears with the corner of her blanket. He then swiped away his unashamed of them.   
  
Rei thought to her self, this is what I've been missing, the comfort of another's touch. Whenever some one learns I'm dying they distance themselves, afraid of me. Afraid if they get too close they will also die.   
  
"I sent for you because I want you to take over the dojo." Rei said.   
  
Gourry started to speak but Rei shushed him.   
  
"No, don't answer right away. This is a big decision. I'm asking you to abandon your life long dream of becoming a mercenary. If you decide to take over the dojo, it's going to greatly change your life. So I want you to consider this very carefully. You can see me again when you've decided. Now, it's time for you to leave. I'm tired and want to take a nap." Rei said.  
  
Gourry had reached the door when Rei called out, "Gourry, I'm glad you're home. I missed you." He turned back to the bed. He hugged Rei carefully and said softly, "I missed you too." He kissed her cheek and left the room. Rei yawned and laid back down.   
  
Yes, it was good to have Gourry home again, she thought before falling into an exhausted slumber. That night at dinner Mei-Ling and Shara watched him anxiously. He realized that they were worried about him but their concern was smothering him. He needed to get way. He quickly finished his meal.  
  
"I'm going to head to bed. It's been a long day and I'm tired," he said as he left the kitchen. Shara went to follow him but Mei-Ling stopped her.   
  
"Leave the boy be. He needs to sort this out on his own."  
  
Although Gourry was tired, he had no plans to sleep yet. Instead he headed to his thinking spot, the roof. On his way he grabbed a couple of blankets off the bed, after all it was still winter. Once on the roof, Gourry laid one of the blankets down. The other he wrapped around himself. He then sat down and stared at the stars.   
  
//It was the coldest day in December  
A day I always will remember  
I looked into your eyes  
And faced my deepest fear  
I had drifted too far  
Far from you my dear//  
  
Oh, L~sama, what was he going to do? It had almost destroyed him when he walked away from Lina that night two weeks ago. In fact he believed he only survived because he knew he would return to her. He would see her again. But now he might never see her again. He might never again get the chance to hold her in his arms as he did that time they were attacked by slugs. He closed his eyes remembering the intense pleasure that had washed over him when she grabbed him. Oh, he realized that she embraced him because she feared those slugs. Still, he treasured the warmth and feel of her in his arms.   
He furiously clung to the memory. Time and time again it gave him hope that Lina could love him. And now Rei was asking him to walk away from that dream. He didn't know if he had the strength to.   
  
//So how could I  
Turn away from the one I love  
How could I  
When I know what my heart's made of  
Could it be that your soul lives inside of me  
How could I ever say goodbye//  
  
On the other hand, he thought, how can I leave Rei now. He has known Rei all his life. She was Grandfather's oldest and dearest friend. He remembered coming to Rei's dojo with his grandfather. He spent countless hours listening to grandfather and her talk about their mercenary days together. Rei would always have a special treat or toy when they came visiting. In fact it was under Rei's watchful eye that he picked up his first sword. It was Rei, who helped him cope with his grandfather's death. And when living with his father became unbearable, it was Rei who took him in and gave him a home. She was like the mother he never had.  
  
//Why was I so afraid to tell her  
That for her I'd fight a thousand soldiers  
But just like an angry child  
I kept my feelings locked inside  
There were rivers of tears  
Flowing from her eyes  
  
He sighed. If only he had told Lina of his feelings before he left. But he was so afraid that she would reject him. She was so intelligent and he wasn't. Time and time again she had insulted him calling him stupid or jellyfish brains. He left without telling her because he couldn't face that fact that she might gently tell him there's no way she could ever love him, a dumb swordsman. Or worse that she laugh in his face, tell him don't be absurd , and wash her hands of him. Now, because then he was unable to admit his true feelings for her, he might never get another chance to tell her he loved her.  
  
//So how could I  
Turn away from the one I love  
How could I  
When I know what my heart's made of  
Could it be  
That your soul lives inside of me  
How could I ever say goodbye  
  
Gourry stood up and shouted into the night. "How can I choose between Rei and Lina? I love them both." He stood there a while but the night held no answers for him. Discouraged he went back to his room.  
  
Rei came awake with a start. She could have sworn she had heard something on the roof. "Oh, that's right, Gourry's home. He must be up on the roof, his thinking spot," she said to herself. She chucked softly. When he was a child he would always head up to the roof when something was bothering him. There he would proceed to tell the night about his problems, out loud. It always amazed him that she knew what was bothering without him ever saying a word. He never realized that when he was on the roof, she could hear every thing he said.   
  
It looks like some habits never die, she thought to herself. Seized by the impulse to make sure Gourry was all right she painstakingly made her way to the window. She leaned against the window frame listening for Gourry's voice.   
  
Suddenly, she heard him shout out, "How can I chose between Rei and Lina? I love them both."  
  
Who's Lina? Rei wondered. She waited by the window hoping Gourry would say more. Apparently though he was done confessing for the night. He said no more and shortly after that Rei heard him return inside. Rei was still at the window when Mei-Ling came to check on her.  
  
"What are you doing up?" Mei-Ling asked moving to Rei. Mei-Ling helped her into bed lecturing all the while. As Mei-Ling tucked the blankets around Rei, Rei asked. "Mei-Ling, do you know if something's bothering Gourry?"  
  
Mei-Ling started fussing with her apron. "Well, it's clear to me that something's bothering that boy. Why, Shara told me she only had to go shopping twice since he's been home. And the only time we haven't had to go to the store daily, is when he's had a problem. It's not only that I tell ya. He's often on the roof. Almost every night since he's arrived, according to my girl. It's as clear as day that something aside of your dying is bothering that boy, I tell ya. But don't you worry about him now. He's all grown, now. Time he stands on his own. Now close your eyes it's time to sleep." And with one last tuck of the blanket. Mei-Ling left the room.  
  
Rei laid back down. "Tomorrow," she promised herself before going to sleep. "Tomorrow I'll find out who is this Lina and what's bothering Gourry." 


End file.
